Polar opposites

My mom and I are polar opposites – no matter how similar you think we may be.

My mom always told me during bed time to never show a man how much you are in love with them; How much of your world revolves around them and how much of your entire being screams for them. 

She told me never to expose my heart the way I expose my lungs to second hand smoking whenever I’m out with my smoker friends – reckless and.. lethal.

Don’t get me wrong though – thinking that she hasn’t loved anyone too much in her lifetime. She has. I guess that’s why she learned not to – she taught herself not to. My mom learned quickly from her mistakes while I was a slow learner.

I have loved and loved – too deeply, faithfully and I don’t regret any of it nor did I learn to love less.

When my heart broke into pieces the first time by a man I was with for 3 years, I thought I would never love again – but here I am. 

I learned that the best way to love someone is to love without holding back. It’s also the most painful kind of love and sometimes it gets a little unhealthy for my heart but I would never love less.

I have learned to love more – despite my mother’s lessons and nighttime stories. I learned to look at love differently – with better lighting, angles and on a different stage.

My mom and I are polar opposites. When her heart broke for the first time, she learned not to love too much again. While I, on the other hand, learned to love even more.

But sometimes, there are days when I would hear her voice reminding me not to love too much or at least not show them that you’re too in love – because this is when people take you for granted.

There are days when I would feel aching in my heart and get scared what if I get taken for granted? What if I become toxic to the people I love? What if they get tired of a love that knows no boundaries nor pride? 

But I believe no one deserves mediocre and measurable love. I believe no one deserves a love that can be measured by the number of dates you’ve had or letters you’ve received.

No, especially not him.

I know I should have learned after my first heartbreak – just like my mom. But I guess I’m a slow learner and he makes every lesson and bruise worth it.

I just hope I won’t ever be taken granted or left behind again.

Because although my love knows no depths, it recognizes self love.

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