I’m sorry, mom

I’m sorry, mom

Im sorry we’re a mess – this family, I mean. I’m sorry our days aren’t as bright and sunny like we used to. I’m sorry our nights aren’t filled with stars and constellations it used to be populated with.

I’m sorry that our days are now full of frizz, stress and tangles we can no longer brush through and untangle on a daily basis without any help – like bad hair days, I mean. We just cover it and pretend like nothing’s wrong.

I’n sorry that our nights are now flooded with tsunamis and gone are the constellations and the stars from our red stained eyes. Our nights are filled with shaking ground along with the magnitude our worlds were disturbed in sync with our loud thumping hearts – like earthquake, I mean.

I’m sorry you have a silent depressed daughter and a loud depressed rebel for a son. I’m sorry we’re not a great duo as you’d expect us to be – like double trouble, I mean. I know we turned that quote to life.

With shouts in the morning, cabinets banging in the afternoon and silent cries at night. I’m sorry, mom.

I’m sorry that we were so busy looking for ourselves and anything to comfort us for the meantime that we forgot about you – not intentionally, of course.

I’m sorry that while you crash and break through waves of problems and high tides of tears – we were not around but know, we were stranded in our own worlds flooded as well but how I wish I could be there.

I’m sorry, mom – I didn’t turn out to be the happy and forgiving and loving daughter you want me to be. 

But you turned out to be the most loving, happy and forgiving mom I’ve ever known and I couldn’t thank you enough.

Even when you had your own demons to kill, you protected us still. 

I love you, mom.

I love you even with my demons and blades – I always will.

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