Maybe I’m not

When a woman says no, it means no.Or stop, in other words.

It’s not maybe, not later, not a few more drinks and maybe she’ll loosen up, not a little more persuasion and she’ll be convinced and most especially it’s not just being shy.

No means I don’t want to.

No means Get your hands off of me.

No means Stop following me.

No means Stop.

No means NO.

It’s not a subtle shake of the head just to tease you and make you want more and add to the thrill.

It’s not a paraphrased invitation to change my mind as long as you keep saying the right words.

It’s not a diluted version of I’m just shy to say yes on the first try so ask me several more times and persuade me.

While writing this, I have stopped multiple times to ask myself.

Maybe I’m just making a big deal out of something so simple? Maybe I’m just exaggerating things? Maybe I am to be blamed? Maybe I was just over-reacting?

Maybe.

Maybe I’m just making a big deal out if it. Sure, he must have thought I was just hesitant to say yes and let him touch me there on the first attempt so he kept trying. 

Maybe I’m just exaggerating things and that touch meant nothing. Something worse could’ve happened and I wasn’t physically hurt or bruised or raped, right?

Maybe I am to be blamed because I didn’t make it crystal clear that he should get off me and stop or maybe I should be blamed because I led him to believe it was initially okay, because I kept giving hints or maybe because I also wanted this or maybe because my clothes were too short and I was asking for it.

Maybe I was just over-reacting and it was not his intention to scare me, he thought it was perfectly okay to keep trying after you pushed his hands away several times and kept shaking your head to his questions.

Maybe I am.

But maybe I’m not.

Because when I said no, I thought the person was smart enough to understand a word that’s only two fucking letters long.

Because when I said no, I genuinely believed that the person was someone decent and wouldn’t keep trying once he’s rejected.

Because when I said no, I assumed that the person respected me and would listen to what I said because he wouldn’t put himself on the line.

Because when I said no, i made it fucking clear as a day that I want him to stop and I didn’t want to.

Blame me all you want but if you’re not able to comprehend two letters joined to build a wall and defense to stop you from whatever invitation and plans you have – you are fucking stupid.

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