I love how you always daydream about the future, seemingly unaffected and unfazed by the harsh reality you get to face every single day. I love how you never let your dreams and silent prayers die along with everyone’s promises – that held no more meaning at all, just another broken vow released into the void.
I love how your dreams mostly consists of living alone in a simple and humble house, learning the tricks and trades and the ways of the world, with nothing but your own hands and feet – when you shy away even with the littlest of glances from the crowd.
I love how you always plan the interior of your future home along with the wonderful food you’ll cook for the day as soon as you wake up from a peaceful night sleep or come home from a long day, when you know nothing more than washing the dishes and cooking simple fried food – oh, yeah wait, you mastered your family’s own recipe of spaghetti.
I admire the way you always crunch your nose and wipe it out of habit and the more you’re conscious of it, the more you try to do it. It’s funny how you never outgrew your little nasty habit of playing with your belly button until they ache and you realize its bruising already. Your grandparents, aunties and uncles laugh when they see you doing that because you’ve been doing it since you were born.
I love how you always try to be independent even in the littlest of ways – buying chips alone from the store, visiting supermarkets and enjoying the feel of your mini supplies shopping, going to church and eating out with no one but yourself to keep you company.
I admire how you like reading the summaries of books in bookstores you visit randomly. I love how you stop in the middle of a good book and daydream of being the main character, oh what joy will it be, right?
I love how you sing your heart out and imagine yourself on the stage, rocking to the music along with the cheering of your fans. I love how you dance infront of the mirror, pretending like you’re the bomb in dancing and trying to stop and pose for an imaginary photo.
I love how you always give the best parts of the chicken to your little brother or your little cousin just because you’re the eldest one and you laugh evilly when you accidentally get the best part when eating outside. I love how you’ve learned to act like a big sister even when your brother is a big spoiled brat and you extend your patience to him because afterall, he’s your baby brother.
I love how you always try and understand other people whenever they hurt you, mistreat you or abuse you. I love how you never get mad at people, just annoyed and pissed off and when you finally get mad – you pray that you have the heart to forgive them. I love how you always, always try to forgive and forget until you could no longer do it from doing it too much. I love the way you look at the mirror and force yourself not to see the flaws. I love your determination and passion for so much things.
Do you know that, self? I love so many things about you and admire you in many ways possible.
But, I can’t fall inlove with you – yet.
But you know what? Fuck everyone who told you that no one can love you if you don’t love yourself. Fuck them because you do.
One day, I will. One day, I can. When the time comes and I finally do, please forgive me because it took me so long. As soon as I do, I promise you – I will never fall out of love with you ever again.