To My Constant

People say sometimes love is blind – blind from their flaws and their true colors. There are also those who say sometimes we love with our eyes closed – closed from their mistakes and shortcomings. Lastly, those that say we fall in love with people we never expected to – friends, enemies and sometimes complete strangers.

I, on the other hand, didn’t fall in love with you.

I walked in love with you – with eyes wide open, knowing damn well that you hate losing arguments and that you like things your way. I never failed to notice the scars that roam your body and the rawness of your hands and how sometimes they get heavy.

You weren’t an unexpected knock on the door – I waited for you. It has been two years since I made the choice and do I ever get tired of making it again? I don’t think so. I don’t think I will ever – not in the near future, maybe.

I was a pessimist and you were an optimist – we were two sides of the coin but you were never my better half, no.

Although we were always halved – you and me.

When I gave pieces of myself to other people who never returned it back, I knew at some points in your life; you did too. When I cut all my parts just to give enough when I myself, don’t have much; I knew you had a fair share of those too. When I threw parts of me away just to make space for what others wanted to turn me into; I knew you did the same too.

We were halved but together, we didn’t make a whole – no.

You gathered pieces of yourself and put them back where they belong, you tried to put them back but you were never the same anymore. Instead, you became better.

You didn’t need your lost pieces anymore for you created your own. I admired you for that because you never depended on others to be complete – you’re all you ever needed.

I, on the hand, struggled. You made sure not to fill me in with parts of you but you filled me in with new found parts of myself. You removed the blade from my hands, the curses from my tongue and the demons in my head. I admit, there’s still plenty of them but you helped me build the courage to fight – to live for my life.

You loved me and showed me why I was worthy of love, time and affection and – oh, wait, have I thanked you enough?

For that, I learned to love myself. I learned to give more affection and attention to my needs and desires. I learned to love myself and in turn, I learned to love you – the right way.

We became whole without filling in each other but we became whole by discovering parts of each other.

You were never my better half – You are my better whole. You’re not a part of my flesh but you are a part of my soul.

Thank you.

Thank you for being there while I was still learning to love myself. Thank you for forgiving me and forgiving yourself whenever we make mistakes – terrible ones. Thank you for making me strong – telling me the harsh and violent truths I always refuse to accept. Thank you for warning me whenever I’m doing something I know I’ll regret later on and most of all, thank you for being there to comfort and console me because you were right all along – I’ll regret it.

Thank you for choosing me even when I’m no longer tolerable. Thank you for choosing me even when I’m awkward and way too shy for your liking. Thank you for choosing me even when there’s a whole lot of women available for you. Thank you for choosing me even when I’m grumpy and sad, even when my anxieties are eating me up, even when my demons are screaming out loud, even when tears are all I can show you, even when my insecurities and flaws are showing themselves to you – thank you for choosing me still. Thank you and I thank myself too, for not being so stubborn to get to know someone like you.

You’re not my armor when the battle strikes but you’re a soldier who fought beside me through battle. You’re not the umbrella when it storms but you’re the friend who showers under the rain with me and catch a fever afterwards. You’re not the fire that envelopes me when the cold settles in but you’re a companion who hugs me and tells me stories that warms my heart. You’re a friend, a companion, a lover and most of all – you’re mine.

I love you – my constant, my never changing and my always-will and always-have-been.

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