Love Me Challenge – Day Fifteen

Day 15: Something you have done right

Stopped self-harming. Of all the things I’ve done right, this is one decision I am happy with.

I have been hurting myself physically since 2011, even before my dad died. The only difference is that, I dont cut myself before his death. I just hit my legs constantly with his repairing tools which is placed in my room.

I have one “favorite”, if I should call it that. It is a long and heavy silver tool. If I remember it correctly, it’s head is octagon-shaped and it has a smaller octagon-shaped bulge or something. So it’s either I hit myself with it sideways or I hit the bulge directly on my leg and boy, did it hurt. The smaller one plants itself on your leg and with only a few hits, a bruise will start forming. But of course, I don”t stop there. I stop when it’s turned green or purple. I stop when it’s a disgusting shade and I cant walk properly anymore. I let it heal for a few days and when it does, I do it all over again. Sometimes worse than before. It’s a rare occurence that I let it heal completely, but a good sign nonetheless.

The cutting started after my dad’s death. Those were worse because I create bruises then cut after or sometimes it’s the other way around. It has been a habit, an outlet, a form of release.

Thank God, I stopped. With the help of a loved one and my will to stop, I succeeded. It’s one of the things I will always be proud of.

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